Stop Apologizing: The Key to Success for Physician and Executive Moms
Jan 07, 2025
Being a people pleaser—it’s something many of us do without even realizing it. Whether you’re a physician navigating the demanding world of healthcare or an executive leading your team, the pressure to seek approval, apologize unnecessarily, or bend to others’ expectations can feel overwhelming. But here’s the hard truth: people-pleasing weakens us, stifles our potential, and leaves us drained.
For me, perhaps the worst thing I ever did was become a people pleaser. I didn’t mean to fall into that trap, but I sure did. It took years before I found my way out, and today I want to share my journey, so you can avoid the same pitfalls that held me back for far too long.
How It All Started: My People-Pleasing Journey
As a surgical resident, I was determined to do whatever it took to succeed. I was taught to follow orders, make patients happy, and keep my head down. But one day, it all went wrong.
I was pulled into the residency director’s office after an intern physically attacked me in a meeting. Instead of handling the situation fairly, the director gave me a brutal warning: “If you ever f*cking do that again, you’re fired.” The problem was, I wasn’t at fault. I was the one attacked. But he didn’t care. And that’s when the fear of confrontation set in.
From that moment, I became obsessed with avoiding conflict and rocking the boat. I started apologizing—for everything. Even things that weren’t my fault. Sound familiar?
The Habit of Apologizing
Apologizing became my safety net, and I see it happen to so many other women too. We say things like:
- "Sorry to bother you."
- "Sorry I’m late."
- "Sorry, I don’t know the answer."
These words become automatic, weakening our confidence with each repetition. It’s an attempt to shield ourselves from judgment, but in reality, it makes us small and keeps us from standing out.
For years, I apologized for my very existence—especially after the program director bluntly told me that no woman had ever completed one of his programs, and I wouldn’t be the first.
The Turning Point: Reclaiming My Power
It wasn’t until I got fired for something completely beyond my control that I finally woke up. I realized I had spent years appeasing people who didn’t care about me or my well-being. I was doing what was expected of me, but I had lost sight of what I needed. That’s when I decided enough was enough.
One day, I made a vow to stop apologizing for anything outside of personal relationships or patient care. If I was late, I stopped saying sorry. If I made a mistake, I took responsibility but without the word “sorry” attached. And the most amazing thing happened—my life improved. Tenfold.
I gained respect. I made more progress in my career and personal life. And it felt incredible to finally reclaim my power.
Key Lessons for Physician and Executive Moms
If you’ve been caught in the trap of people-pleasing, it’s time to break free. Here are five key lessons I’ve learned:
- Never apologize for wanting to build wealth.
Society often shames women, especially moms, for pursuing financial success. But here’s the truth: financial stability is essential, not just for you but for your family. You deserve to advocate for your wealth, your future, and the freedom it brings. - Never apologize for being unique or “weird.”
Whatever sets you apart—embrace it. Whether it’s your quirky personality, your bold ideas, or your unique approach to leadership, these traits are your strengths. They attract the right people and opportunities into your life. - Never apologize for building your own thing.
You don’t have to work for someone else your whole life. If you have dreams beyond your current role—whether it’s starting a business, writing a book, or exploring a passion—don’t apologize for it. Your life belongs to you. - Never apologize for cutting out toxic relationships.
As you grow, some people won’t support you. It’s okay to walk away from those relationships. You need a circle of people who lift you up, not drag you down. - Never apologize for being ambitious or setting big goals.
Ambition is not a dirty word. Whether it’s in your medical career, executive role, or personal life, set those big, audacious goals. People may doubt you, but that’s their problem. Your dreams are your own, and they’re worth pursuing.
Final Thoughts
To my fellow physician and executive moms, take this to heart: stop apologizing for your life. You’re doing an incredible job balancing your career, your family, and everything in between. You don’t owe anyone an apology for wanting more—for striving for success, wealth, or fulfillment.
The moment I stopped being a people pleaser was the moment my life changed for the better. I know that if you take this lesson to heart, yours will too.
Calling all remarkable women physicians and single moms!
Join our thriving Single Mom MD community today and unlock the support you need to conquer financial challenges, master time management, embrace a positive mindset, and excel in parenting.
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